If you had asked me at eighteen, I would’ve told you that I’d be ballin, married, and on my way to having 1.5 kids by twenty-five. Sitting here today at twenty-seven, all I can do is laugh at myself! Oh how my priorities were all mixed up. Oh how truly blissful ignorance is lol.
Today, while I’d still like to be ballin, I strive for financial stability. To live a debt free life instead of just focusing on income. My goal is to be #SavedAndPaid! Today, the thought of kids stresses out. Because 1. They are EXPENSIVE and 2. I’ve learned to embrace the freedom and time for growth that is your twenties. I still feel like I have a few years to be selfish! To buy plane tickets over diapers and choose girls trips over play dates. But of course I am thankful for the blessing that is my marriage (heart eyes). I became Mrs. Duff at age 26 and it took a lot of patience and maturity to get there.
When you hear the word marriage, some people think of this perfectly glamorous, fun filled day to show and celebrate your love. They fail to separate the covenant from the ceremony.
If you had asked me at eighteen, I would’ve told you that I’d be getting married on a beautifully sunny, 75 (ish) degree day. In a dress that fit better than Cinderella’s slipper and weave that made Pochahontas look bald. I’d have a crew of badd divas beside me and my hubby and I would dance the night away with our loved ones.
So when I tell people that I got married in my good friend’s living room…in a tank top and jeans with no bridesmaids, makeup, or wedding rings, they tend to look a bit confused.
“But I thought that ya’ll were saving up for a wedding. Why not just wait until you can have the day you want?” they say.
And then I get to blow their minds and respond, “I got exactly what I wanted!”
A man who loves me unconditionally
"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her." Ephesians 5:25
A man who leads our household and me just as God is leading him
“But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ.” 1 Corinthians 11:3
A man humble enough to serve me, just as Christ served the church
“Rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.” Philippians 2:7
A man who protects and provides
"Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” 1 Timothy 5:8
And a man who promises not to watch the next episode of our favorite tv series without me!
So what is it that I had “missed out” on?
Was our wedding any less of a ceremony because it had no fancy venue and I didn’t have on a dress? Were my feelings any less pure because I lacked something old, borrowed, and blue? Were our vows any less valid because there was no crowd to hear them?
NOT AT ALL!
In fact, I consider our wedding day a representation of our maturity in Christ as a couple.
You see, on that day we chose to make covenant. Which is when two parties come together to make a contract, agreeing on promises, stipulations, privileges, and responsibilities. When both parties vow by oath, that each, having equal privileges and responsibilities, will carry out their assigned roles, the covenant is sealed.
This is what happens each and every time a couple stands before God and says “I do”. Whether they’re in a ballroom at the Ritz or at the courthouse with friends!
And for a while we struggled to fully accept this concept. We thought we were being responsible by choosing to wait until we could afford to have the ceremony of our dreams. But in choosing to wait for a day of broach bouquets and hearty buffets, we were conning ourselves out of the blessings of marriage.
For instance, the bible teaches that a man who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor with the Lord. Wives are praised because of their noble character, wise words, blessed children, and orderly homes.
With time we came to realize that the logistics of a ceremony couldn’t define our love. The word says, “Seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you” became our grounding scripture. Meaning if we chose to trust God and honor Him with our relationship, any material thing we wanted would be given to us in due season. We decided to prioritize our love over our situation. We decided to make a move against the odds of our former mindsets.
If you had asked me at eighteen, I would’ve told you that it’s okay to sit back and wait for your “moment”. I would’ve said that it’s okay to make a plan and move in with one another as long as your intentions are good. Today, at twenty-seven, I’d say you are only conning yourself out of the truth. You’re only stopping yourself from experiencing the fullness within God’s marital covenant.
It was Pastor John Gray who said, “The presence of a ring doesn’t make you a wife, the presence of your character makes you a wife”. So don’t let financial strains or the comforts of shacking lure you into a place of contentment in your relationship. If your love is true, and your hearts abide in God’s will, He will do exceedingly and above all you can ever ask, think, dream, or imagine for you and your spouse. Seek. Him. FIRST! And trust that He will honor is His covenant and provide, no matter the logistics of your ceremony.
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Jasmine Duff is a writer, speaker, and community organizer. A southern girl at heart, this Birmingham native is the founder of Season 26, a faith based ministry for millennial women. You can catch up with Jasmine at www.season26.com and on Instagram and Twitter @_season26.
Honoring the collective voice of womanhood, the Lessons From Love series was created to provide a community of support for women currently in love, or healing from love. The series will use personal narratives + testimonies to empower women to make effective dating decisions and to pursue the love they rightly deserve.
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