faith

When Nothing's Left, There's Faith

3/28/2016

I always feel funny saying "life is hard." I've never been a fan of stating the obvious. But my recent pain and vulnerability has left me with only those words to utter. They're the only words I could use to describe the right-now moment I'm experiencing. 

Life is flippin' hard. 

Right now.  

Because despite how I feel and what I'm experiencing, I know there's more. I know there's a future. And I know there's greater brewing on the other side of this grief. 

Faith taught me that. 

Because there's always faith. There's always hope. And there's always your ability to muster it all up. The burning desire to want to believe there's more for you. The choice between contentment and trust, or sadness and dysfunction. The decision to choose faith in the midst of the heartache, depression and pain. 

When you feel like everything's deceived you, that God doesn't care about you, and that life is crumbling before your eyes - despite all you've done to keep it together - there's faith. There's the feeling in the pit of your stomach telling you there's more. There's the voice whispering in your ear that better is approaching. There's your memory reminding you of your past and how, much like then, this too shall pass. 

Faith is the only thing that'll keep you wanting to wake up. It's the only thing you have that reaffirms God's promises over your life. It's the only thing that allows the sun to shine through your cloudiest day. Faith is the only reminder you have, that the very thing you're hoping for is yours, despite its current absence. Faith pulls you up. Faith keeps you standing. 

On the other side of wit's end, there's faith. Roaring from the mountaintops waiting for you to look up. Waiting for you to climb to the top to experience the hope that's awaiting. There's faith tapping on your window while you sleep, wanting you to welcome it inside your home and your spirit. There's faith greeting you in the passenger seat of your sedan. There's faith sitting in the waiting area of your office. There's faith at the hair salon, at your parent's house and at the bottom of the rum and coke you decided to drink to wash down the pain; to massage the frog in your throat down to the pit of your stomach where more faith lies. There's faith waiting for you at home, at work, outside. Faith waiting for you in church, at dance practice and in your favorite book. Faith waiting for you in the midst of everything you're going through. Faith attempting to peak out from behind the shadows of sadness. 

There's faith that you have the decision to pick up and use. There's hope that you have the choice to tap into. There's promise that you have the option to recall. Go with that. Feel that. Tap into that. Because when you have absolutely nothing left, it's your faith that will sustain you. 

Signed, 
a girl with nothing left.   
a girl with faith.  

• 0 Comments

• Share:

life

Putting Purpose into Perspective

3/24/2016

You ever get a vision or thought about where your life's supposed to go, but wasn't sure where you got it? Not sure where it came from, but it looked more admirable than anything your thoughts could ever conceive?

She didn't know why or how, but she was confident in what she heard. She needn't ask, only obey. 

That was Mary. When she was visited by the angel and told that her virgin body was to birth Jesus. She had no idea why, and was nervous of what she'd tell her fiance. How would she explain to him that she was pregnant but hadn't had sex? How would she deal with the condemnation that would come of her 'mysterious' pregnancy. What would she do with the snickers and judgment that will not consume her life? 

All because God gave her a purpose. 

There is a purpose with your name on it that you must give birth to, despite your reservations and fears. There is something in this world that God has called you to do, and He is expecting you to do it. The gifts you've been provided with, are not for you to selfishly hold on to, they’re for you to provide something equally as magnificent to the world. You are to birth something amazing, touch a life, spread the gospel, share love, be expressive through art, create jobs, launch non-profits, or support those without support. There's a need for you! There's a need for something you provide. There is something within you that could change the world. But you first have to welcome that message.

You first have to listen to God and be willing to say yes - to be used. No matter how far-fetched you may think it is, or how many noses may turn up at you, you have to be open to God's direction. You have to be obedient. 

It won't be easy, great triumphs never are. You will hear the loud voices of nay-sayers and the soundwaves of negative feedback. You'll experience doors being slammed in your face, doubt from those you love most and a struggling bank account. You'll see nasty comments, read messy text messages and become fearful. You'll even mistreat yourself and try to back out. You'll tell God this isn't the right time and that you're not equipped enough to do this. Your whole life will be interrupted and you'll try desperately to get out of it, but you must remember it's beyond you.

You must be willing to say yes to God when that angel visits you with your assignment. You must be willing to sacrifice your comfort and contentment for something greater. You must be willing to take great leaps of faith and dive head first into what God has called you to do. You must be willing to put yourself after God and the people you were put here to serve. You must be willing to listen closely, fight hard, and do!

Mary was assigned to give birth to the Savior of the World. Had she said "no", where the heck would we be? Had she sent back that angel, who would have saved our souls? Who would've shed their blood? Although seemingly a burden, Mary's purpose was huge. It changed the entire world; yours will too. You have a purpose that's as severe. You have a purpose that's as meaningful. You have a purpose that will render someone saying "without you where the heck would I be?"

But you have to be willing to get pregnant and give birth. (Figuratively, of course.) 

• 0 Comments

• Share:

life

Because That's What You Deserve

3/15/2016

Love is a beautiful thing. You've heard it time and time again. Your heart flutters and it excites you to wake up every morning. You long for the evenings you can fall asleep in his arms, and wake up to the smell of his cologne. It's beautiful, it's exciting, it's emotionally gratifying. We long for it, thirst for it and fight for it. Love is amazing and a majority of us spend our lives desperately wallowing in it. 

But at what expense? Sometimes we find ourselves at the shaky end of a love gone bad. A love story that seems to be more binding than freeing; more frightening than enriching. We hang in there for bad situations and even worse stipulations because we think there's love awaiting us at the other side. We don't all love the same and it's harder for other people to open up, are the excuses we use for our treacherous situations; but we know better. 

And in case you may have forgotten, let me remind you. 

You deserve far more than the hurt and pain you've been receiving. More than the betrayal and belittling your partner has been giving you. You deserve more than being in an in-between stage with undefined expectations. You know, the you-can't-have-anyone-else-but-he-can. You deserve to be loved unhesitatingly. You deserve to be flooded and flaunted with love and loyalty. You deserve the "this is my woman, and I'm proud of it" love. The kind of love that'll shut down temptation before it even approaches him. The kind of love that'll never make you wonder. 

You don't deserve to be battered or bruised. Pushed to the side or hidden. You don't deserve to have your feelings ignored. You don't deserve to be silenced and shut down. You deserve to be heard. You deserve to be enlightened and awakened each day. You deserve to be nurtured and nourished. You deserve to be filled up by a man that's willing to consistently pour love into your life. You deserve to be coddled and cuddled despite the disproving comments from his friends or the disparaging stares from his family. You deserve to be made a priority and chosen. You're not a last resort. You deserve to be the one. You deserve to be committed to. You deserve to be en route to a wife, not a "friend", not a "what is this" or a "Netflix & chill". 

Love is not a game. It's not a contest. It's not a race. Love is a feeling. Love is a verb. And if you're working toward deepening your love with someone who'd prefer to stay in shallow waters, it's time to swim away. It's time to march forth. Because that's not the one who's ready and willing; and you, my love, deserve more. 

• 0 Comments

• Share:

friendship

Seven Years Ago, Seven Years From Now

3/08/2016

Seven years is a long time. It was the last time I saw her.

I remember running through campus to find my sorority's rush flyer posted in a random hall. We snatched it down and ran back to our dorm. She knew I was an interest, and she was determined to do all she could to help me make it through.

Just like she'd done all she could to help me make it through my breakup freshman year. Like paying the man $25 to let me cut him in line so I could make a free "get over him" bear. Stuffed with love and adorned with a tiny t, that bear was everything I needed.

Her friendship was everything I needed.

And as we got closer in our synchronicity and friendship, she was slowly drifting away. I looked up and she was gone. Back home. I didn't even have the chance to talk her out of her decision. I didn't have the chance to save her like she saved me so many times.

Seven years is a long time. It was the last time I saw her. 

And I counted every single day she was gone. I'd lost the best friend I had, at such a large university, and I was afraid that shortly after I'd lose myself. I had nothing left but a huge dorm room and two twin beds. I'd like to say that's where my story of Christ gripping me by the lapels began.

Many people quantify friendships. They think the number of years you've known someone makes them your best friend. They suggest that those years automatically determine quality. India taught me otherwise. Because for the short time I've known her, she's proven to be one of the best friends I've ever had. One of the most missed friends I've ever had. One of the most life-changing friends I've ever had. 

Because iron sharpens iron, and she was the reason my blade was so precise; which is also why her disappearance cut so deep. She was the reason I wanted to do well academically. She helped me do well academically. She pushed me to pursue more than I was interested in pursuing - in all areas of life. And while she may not have ever known, my desire to be better came from her. Even long after she was gone. 

So on this International Women's Day, I have to take the time to thank the woman who was my purest example of friendship. The woman who has occupied my space for only a year and a half, but managed to sit in my heart ever since. The woman who taught me what true friendship feels like; who loved me through one of my biggest heartbreaks and who nurtured me back to a sound mind. A selfless woman.

A woman who urged me to enjoy college and all the sloppiness it may bring. The woman who told me to wipe my tears, while secretly crying her own. The woman who would never let me endure alone. The woman - who much like my mother - rarely let me see her pain, while she was uplifting me through mine. 

To the woman who unknowingly changed my life through both her presence and her absence. 

To the woman who embodied living life and loving it. The woman I'd crack jokes with and crack jokes on. The woman whose late laundry nights made time for loud laughs and stories from the night before. The woman whose love for writing and reading, somehow manifested into mine, now. The woman who allowed me to sleep on her dorm room floor time and time again. The woman who meant more to me than she will ever know. The woman who now, seven years later, is still the closest friend I've ever had. To you, India Butler, I dedicate this day. Thank you for being the woman I'm still longing to become.  

I love you dearly. Seven years ago and seven years from now. 

• 0 Comments

• Share: