500WordsorLess

Let Change Change You

10/20/2015

A few weeks ago I sent out inspiration about the importance of embracing life's changes (check it out, here). I've been sitting on this post since then.

I've been thinking about how I can write something to punch you in the gut. Or perhaps provide a love tap of reality. Something that'd remind you that life can be cruel if you don't grab it up yourself. Something simple and quick. Something short and sweet. Something 500 words or less, for the readers on-the-go. I suppose this is my attempt at that. 

Change will happen and you can't change that. It'll swoop in and get you before you even realize what happened. It'll be uncomfortable, unsettling and relentless. But instead of fighting it, I urge you to let change, change you.

Yes. Let change, change you. Let it rip you a new one. Let it wreck you. Let it ruin you. Let it ransack your bedroom and the files on your computer. Let it rain on your parade. Let it chew you up and spit you out. Let change shake things up a bit. Let it grab you from your couch of comfortability and make you completely uncomfortable. Let it stir the pot. Let it strap you to an anchor and throw you in the water. Let it shift your life. Let it rip you to the core. Let it sting. Let it burn. Let it hurt. 

Let it flip you upside down, then right side up. Because when you come out of it - when you grab on to the side of the mountain to pull yourself up - you'll be so refreshed. Restored. Rejuvenated. Remodeled. Refined. Reinvented. You'll have a story to tell. A great story. A story of triumph and victory. A story of your battle. A story of your dedication. You'll have moments to refer back to when you get ready to encourage someone else. You'll have life to share with someone else. An old life in the form of stories, and a new life in the form of restoration.
Let change, change you. Don't run from it. Embrace it. Enjoy it. Edify in it. Eat with it at the dinner table. Invite it to your girl's night outs. Let it in your inner circle. Include it in your group messages. Hang it up in your closet. Sleep with it at night. Let it come into your space and reorganize it all. 

Let change, change you. Because it will anyway, and you could choose to painfully go against its winds, or you can sail along with it. 

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growth

The Strongest Woman I Know

10/15/2015

"She's the strongest woman I know," I thought to myself as she told me the news of her finishing her breast cancer treatments. It was only a few weeks prior that she nonchalantly mentioned she had it. She'd been having treatments for some time before her confession and I was pissed. How dare she not tell me this! How dare she not let me be there for her! Why would she keep this to herself!?

My mother never let me bear her burdens. She never wanted me to overwhelm myself with the way life tossed things at her. I was a college sophomore and I suppose she figured school should be my first and only thought. I still don't agree with her. 

She mentioned she had breast cancer as if she had a common cold. As if her life wasn't at stake. As if this 'stuff' wasn't tearing apart her body. Oddly enough, my response was as nonchalant as hers. "You'll get through it!" To this day I don't know if that was encouragement or dismissal. I couldn't ever imagine life without my mom - not now and d*mn sure not then. So my positive response may have been my way of avoiding the severity of what may come. As much as I wish she'd told me sooner, I just wasn't sure how to process the news. I didn't know how I was supposed to handle that. My bout of positivity was the only thing I could truly muster up to say. I guess it was all I had to say.

She carried on. She didn't ask me for anything. She didn't tell me anything. She didn't even request my presence at doctor's appointments. One minute she had cancer and the next she didn't. It was all of a sudden gone and I had missed everything that happened in between. Everyone did. 

Cancer is broadcasted often now, and if chemotherapy is anything like I've seen on TV, I can't believe she didn't call anyone. I can't believe she didn't ask anyone for help or grabbed me or my older brother from college to come take care of her. 

She has always been about her business. Always been accommodating. Always dealt with her problems on her own. She underwent chemotherapy and had a breast augmentation by herself. Without a word to either one of us. My brother was equally as upset as I was. 

But it wasn't her independence that struck me. It wasn't her ability to go to and from and carry on as if nothing was happening. It wasn't her drive to get up and go to work every day because she still had life to tend to. It was the hope she had that she did in fact, still have life. It was her content in the lemons that were thrown at her. It was her resilience to get through this moment and back to the things she had to do. 

My mother didn't complain about her having cancer. I never heard of her crying about it, the pain or her exhaustion. I never heard her complain about the unfairness of life or how horribly treatments affected her. She never mumbled under her breath about it. Never beat herself up about it. And she certainly never complained to God about having to had endured it. Instead, she kept kicking. She kept pushing. And she kept working. 

My mother put herself through college after being sent to and from the Virgin Islands and raised by her brothers and sisters because her mother's lingering presence; obtained a job off talent alone (because back then you didn't need to know somebody that knows somebody); raised my brother and I with little help thanks to a worker's compensation injury that resulted in my father's inability to work; filed bankruptcy, got laid off after 15+ years at her first job, rebuilt her credit + herself and became a home owner (again); worked two jobs to put my brother through college because her new job didn't pay nearly as much as her old one; supported me, my bills + my trips through college; dealt with the stress and physical strain of various health issues on her own and is now taking care of her 91 year old mother the one who barely took care of her - and not one bit of her situations are displayed in her actions. Not one bit of complaint or disdain is represented in her demeanor. Not one bit of "life sucks" or "this sh*t isn't fair" is written upon her face. Not one word of disappointment or struggle has escaped her lips. Not one bit of dissatisfaction or sadness has poured from her soul. 

While I can't imagine she doesn't feel something inside, her ability to pick up life's lemons and carry them in her sack as if there's nothing inside, is enlightening. Her ability to be content with life itself, rather than the occurrences that may improve or ruin it, is empowering. Her continued selflessness, nurturing and umph to press on, is encouraging. And I know that no matter what my mother endures, she'll be okay. No matter what else life decides to throw, she'll make it. 

Because my mom is a breast cancer life survivor and she's the strongest woman I know. 
--
My mother doesn't like her business being broadcasted (good thing you all don't know her! lol), but I had to use this time, this month, to express my admiration for her strength. Her modesty doesn't allow her to celebrate herself; I just needed her to know that I'm here to celebrate her. I love my mother with every single fiber of my being and will do all I can to compensate her for the way life has treated her and reward her for the way she's responded. 

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Christ

What Have You Done For God Lately?

10/12/2015

I rewrote this post a few times. I wanted to preach to you all. I wanted to provide scripture and teach you why doing for God is so important to your development. I wanted to state the obvious that it's better to give than to receive, and encourage you to do better. I wanted to tell you to stop asking for things without doing things - without first making changes. But no matter how I worded it, it wasn't coming out right. 

This isn't an encouraging post. It's not meant to inspire you. It's not going to serve as a sermon to start your week. This post isn't meant to uplift you or provide sunshine during your rainstorm. In fact, it's to light a fire under your butt. It's the reality check you so desperately need. It's a "you better get yo'self before you wreck yo'self" post. It's a "reassess your life and the way you're dealing with God" post. 

Because you not dealing with God, is you dealing with God. You ignoring His presence until you need something, is dealing with God. You shoving Him in the bottom of your back pocket, until you need a favor is you dealing with God. That's not how you treat the Creator of all things and sustainer of eternal life. That's not how you treat the embodiment of everlasting, unconditional love. 

Perhaps that's how you deal with an acquaintance or a foe. That's how you deal with the people you're supposed to like because you work with them. Maybe that's how you deal with the people your teacher assigned you to work with on your group project. Or how you deal with the people you serve on a committee with - the ones you have to get along with but don't particularly want to. But that certainly shouldn't be how you deal with God. That shouldn't be what you choose to do with His accessibility, His love and His mercy. 

You ignoring His commands and neglecting Him, is you making a choice to do so. And just like you made choices to land you in the jacked up situations you're begging Him to take you out of, you failing to acknowledge and appreciate His presence, is a choice. It may, in fact, be the choice that landed you where you are today. 

Begging for mercy and asking for Him to revive you. The place that has you gripping to the edge hoping for a miracle - because you haven't sunk low enough to resort to prayer yet. You ignoring His power and true relevance in your life, is the reason you're suffocating and can't seem to rip the plastic bag from in front of your face. You're numb and are stuck fighting yourself, because you can't seem to acknowledge the importance of fighting the enemy instead. You've given up on life, on hope and on God. 

How do you give up on someone you've never truly given anything to? You never thanked Him. You never loved Him. Yet, because He hasn't responded to your current yell, you don't believe in Him. You don't trust Him. 

Now you find yourself tugging at the arm of Jesus' garment knowing He's never seen you before. You're expecting Him to deliver an amazing miracle, answer your prayers, milk your cow and cook your dinner, but, what have you done for Him lately? When was the last time you got on your knees to thank Him for all He has done for you? When was the last time you acknowledged His presence? When was the last time you displayed your love for Him?

What have you done that's deserving of the blessing you've been asking for? The blessing you're so quick to insult His power over. The blessing that you're willing to rip your soul from your body for. The blessing you so selfishly asked for without acknowledging whether it's in alignment with His plan for your life? 

Have you obeyed His word and commands? Have you been trying to establish a relationship with Him even if it's not quite perfect? Have you been speaking to Him outside of this "God just give me" moment you're currently having? When was the last time you spoke His name? Have you praised Him?

You have a false sense of entitlement to be delivered from your hard time knowing you've done nothing to deserve it. You wouldn't even lift your hands to pray had you not run out of other options. You expect God to give you what you want because He has to be God. "He's God. He has to be there for me." So you rely on that to be your savior, instead of allowing Him to be your savior. You do what you want all other days of the week, then when you want something you speak His name. You run to Him hoping for him to receive you; because well...you know He will. You think that His receipt of you is Him giving you what you want. You think that He owes you something. You think that you running to Him when you want something shows Him that you trust His power. But had you listened to Him in the first place, you probably wouldn't be in your situation. 

Had you tried to dive into His power, love and grace before, you'd know how far off the cliff you were jumping before you moved. You'd realize why you weren't supposed to climb that cliff in the first place. Had you sought after His presence as persistently as you're seeking it now, you would've recognized why you shouldn't have gotten in your car to drive to the cliff. You'd know why you should've sat in your house instead of heading outdoors that day. But now it's too late. Now you're at the edge of the cliff ready to jump, asking for God to bless you one second before you decide to. Now, you're in mid air asking for God to somehow snap a parachute to your back so you don't hit the ground below too hard. You're done ignoring Him and you're ready to acknowledge Him because you need something. 

But what have you done to warrant the blessing you're asking for? What have you done to make you think that God should deliver you from this hardship? He will, because that's who He is, but how much longer will you take from Him, without giving back to Him? How much longer will you linger on His front sidewalk before walking up to the gate? 

What have you done to deserve the things you're asking for? And more importantly, why do you think He owes you anything for your misbehavior and disobedience? It's time you start giving back to God for all He's given to you. It's time to listen. Time to respond. Time to pursue. Not just in hard times, but at all times. 

I urge you to enter the gates. I urge you to walk onto the porch and knock on the door. Not to ask for anything, but to simply let Him know you're His - finally. 

That's the least you could do. 

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love

That Type of Love

10/08/2015

There's been a longing desire for love. Real love. True love. Unconditional love; because yes, I believe that still exits. That you can do no wrong a midst all the wrong you do, type love. Not the damaging to my spirit, but the you should know better, but I love you anyway, type love. The I love you every day, every hour, no matter what type love. The I forgive you before you even mess up type love. The I'd rather be mad at you than happy with someone else, but we don't believe in going to bed mad type love. 

That i just want to sit up under your love type love. The rub my fingers through your hair and hug type love. The I live to breathe your air type love. The we are better together than we could ever be apart, type love. The call you first before making a big decision because I value your input as much as my own, type love. That inclusion type love. The it's not just you or me, it's us type love. The no one's more superior type love. The I'm doing for you because I love you type love. The our love is everything Maxwell sings about, type love. 

The lay up and chat all night type love. That uncensored you know all of me, type love. That no foundation, headscarf, eyebrows off type love. That eating ice cream, popcorn and pickles together, so I won't feel bad for eating this all alone, type love. That you don't judge me I don't judge you type love. That hold each other accountable but never scolding type love. 

That this is what everyone everywhere wants, hashtag relationship goals, type love. But in longing for what we may not have, we neglect the love we have a shot at. The love that's closer than we realize. The love that takes a backseat while we search for something external. The love that's most important.

That real, true, unconditional self-love type love. That you can do no wrong a midst all the wrong you do self-love, type love. The I love you every day, every hour, no matter what, self-love type love. The I forgive you before you even mess up, self-love type love. The I'd rather be mad at you than happy with someone else, self-love type love. The I'm putting myself first because despite popular belief I matter, self-love type love. 

The lay up and discover new parts of yourself, self-love type love. The uncensored I still love you even after knowing all of you self-love type love. That look in the mirror and still be pleased with no foundation, headscarf on and eyebrows off self-love type love. That no judgment zone, self-love type love. That hold yourself accountable but never scolding self-love type love. 

Love begins with God and it begins with yourself. Experiencing His love for you and then translating that to your love for self. Without loving yourself, it's impossible to effectively love another. Without loving yourself, it's impossible to effectively experience love from another. It's time to put the energy you use toward finding someone else to love, into loving the someone you already have - the someone you already are. Dive into your own love, love. That other love will find you. 

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growth

How to Handle Being the Only Black Woman in the Board Room

10/04/2015

Having received both my degrees from a PWI (predominantly white institution), I know a thing or two about being the only black woman anywhere. I was frequently the only black woman in my communications classes during undergrad and the only black person in my graduate degree program. I was sometimes the only black woman in my dorm, and the only black woman working at any particular time. Most recently, I've found myself being the only black person at networking events, after-work mixers and at high-end restaurants. Although honored, it's also a bit bothersome that more of my sisters [read: sistas] aren't at these events with me. It's a bit uncomfortable being the only brown-skinned woman in a room with 100+ other professionals. However, this doesn't mean that other brown-skinned beauties aren't at events themselves - as the only black woman in the room - either.

So let's talk about how to get through those sometimes awkward moments of being the only black woman in the board room.

Be confident.
You're there for a reason. You have knowledge, expertise, wisdom, ideas and poise that allows you to be there. Stop letting your race make you feel inferior and start recognizing that you deserve that seat just as much as your melanin-deficient counterparts. Recognize the elegance and resilience that is your blackness and acknowledge your fight. Being welcomed into the board room was a task in itself, now that you're there, walk with your head high and show them why you're there! 

Be unapologetic.
They say that black women have to work twice as hard to get to the same place their white counterparts are. This can often be seen as a disadvantage, but in this space it can certainly be used to your benefit. You worked two times as hard to get where you are. Which means, you're two times as dedicated and two times as qualified as the others working the same room you're working. Never apologize for being you in those situations. Never apologize for going against the grain the majority may be going with. Never apologize for having the darkest skin and the most textured hair in the crowd. Instead, bask in that glory. Understand that not only has your hard work been noticed, but your presence is as well. Be yourself in these situations. Be that beautiful, bold, black you that won the heart of those who put you there. Be the woman you've always been and be unashamed. Never allow anyone to dim your light, and certainly never apologize for being so brightly lit. 

Work the room. 
Work that room in your stilettos and high bun - or in your flats and additional 24". While it may admittedly be easier to relate to those who have similar cultural experiences, find a connecting point with the room and make those connections. Let them see why your black is so beautiful. Instead of being intimidated because you're the only of your kind, show them why you're there. Meet new people. Smile. Start conversations. State your opinions. Participate in friendly debate. And if you can't find anything to relate to, talking about the work you do is always a great start. You deserve to be among the high-bidders; show them why. Don't overdo it, but don't give them the chance to question your presence. Show them before they ask. Be confident. Be memorable. Be breathtaking. Work that room!

Being welcomed in the board room gives you amazing opportunities to advance your career. Being able to break from the awkward black girl to the qualified professional you truly are, is the most important part of growing from the board room experience. Being the only black girl isn't always all bad, in fact it could be the one moment you need to standout and catapult to the next level, professionally. Always attend. Always be attentive. But, no matter what, never let them touch your hair - you know how we feel about that! 

This is a very vague list; what are some other tips you'd give to the only black woman in the board room? Share!

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