Mind, body and spirit - they say if you don't feed one the others can tell. I'd have to agree. I've been malnourished in all three areas recently and every piece of me knows it. I seemed to have forgotten that visions don't implement themselves and taking care of myself doesn't happen on its own. I've let overwhelm and an overloaded mind halt my process. The process I started with you all a measly five months ago.
I stopped tending to my mind, body and spirit right in the midst of life happening. In the middle of fighting for love, getting a new job, appreciating family and trying to enjoy these last bits of summer, I forgot to take care of myself. I forgot to fuel my mind, nourish my body and feed my spirit. I forgot to take time out of all that's going on, to soak in the most important pieces of myself. Somehow, I forgot to cherish well-being of the only three things that keep me going.
It's beginning to show.
It's why my posts have decreased in frequency and - in my opinion - quality. It's why my wine expenditures have exceeded my wine budget. It's why although in a physically peaceful place, my internal peace has been disrupted. It's why I can't make it through the day without a mood swing. It's why my face is currently made up of tear stained cheeks and smudged mascara lining my eyes.
I lost myself amidst long work days, disorganized e-mail inboxes, growing to-do lists and exhaustion. I neglected the woman while fueling the worker. And while I sit on my couch in silence, with a bottle of wine on the table, I'm forced to figure out how the hell to get myself back. How do I find out where she went and snatch up the little bit that's left. How do I recreate the me that was focused on flourishing in my womanhood and my workload. The woman whose thoughts were filled with DEAR QUEENS and everything related to it. The woman who tried to do the best for herself and be the best for others. The woman who put as much energy into pulling herself from bed in the morning, as she did into fueling the areas of life she needed to carry on. The woman who made nail appointments and lived at Ulta. The woman whose stories were inspiring. The woman who loved telling those stories. Because fighting my demons of "you can't do this" is much harder when my mind, body and spirit are fighting me.
In the middle of everything, l neglected the core of myself. I stopped releasing. I stopped expressing. I stopped working out. I stopped cooking. I stopped learning. I stopped seeking guidance from God. I stopped speaking light. I stopped caring.
And, while this may not be very inspiring for those reading it, the release was necessary. Perhaps, that's enough to start the process of picking myself back up.
