You see this wasn’t any guy. He was THE guy. He just got it. He did everything right. He was everything I needed so I thought. I gave him all the secret codes to my soul forgetting to leave something for me. I did everything humanly possible for him to see me. To show him that with me, we could accomplish anything but who was I? Who am I?
See sometimes it just does not work. No matter what.
It’s okay that things did not work out as planned. When we usher into a relationship we never know what’s actually going to come our way. We paint a pretty picture of love than what it actually is. This emotion is so abstract that it’s hard to predict what your final product will be. When our masterpiece is finally completed we are left with facing the reality of the situation.
I’ve learned this time around that though letting go isn't the easiest, sometimes it's best.
If you’re anything like me when you love, you love hard. You have to learn the impact your love has on someone. Sometimes it’s too intense. Sometimes it’s not enough. Sometimes our love hurts. On the flip side someone else’s love can impact us the same. Love is a lot of things but it’s not possession. It’s easy to forget that in the midst of heartbreak. We get so caught up on the whys and how come that we do not even recognize how selfish that is. We are not entitled to what people can’t or won’t give us.
Remember that it’s okay to mourn the loss of a lover. Getting over a past love is almost like a rebirth. We go through the process of mourning of what was, what is and what we hoped for. It’s the part of the process we all love rushing through. Learn to find peace in the discomfort. Understand that their is a lesson to be learned. So if you need to cry, do that. Dance as hard as you can if that’s what you’re into or sing as loud as you can to your favorite song. Just do not rush your healing process.
Come to terms with everything. Leave no stone unturned. Try sleeping with a broken heart to learn the rhythm of the new beat while your heart puts itself back together. The carbon print of lovers impact on our lives stays with us forever but it’s truly up to us to decide what type of effect it has.
Love is about acceptance.
We have to learn to accept the hand that has been dealt. It’s up to us to play it the best way we know how. In love the only person we have control over is ourselves. The hardest pill to swallow is accepting what we least expected. Real love is acceptance. It’s rolling with the tides. Facing the many storms, and smiling at the many rainbows to come. It’s about meeting people where they are and evaluating what you can withstand.
We are not here to be desperate in love. That kind of the love that’s built on desperation is not acceptance. We cannot force someone to fit into our definition of love for ourselves. It’s important to look to give a person what they need instead what you want to give. We have to love people for who they are and we have to be loved for who we are.
Now I am not advocating for settling and tolerating the things we do not deserve. This is a major lesson I learned from all of this. With acceptance we also learn the things we are not willing to take. So obviously, that comes with understanding that our rules and expectations for ourselves are not what someone else wants to accept. Standing up for ourselves in the name of love takes a good amount of courage but it must be done. Acceptance is the healthiest thing about healing. When you have become one with the reality of circumstance you are in a better place to move forward. You do not throw yourself a pity party nor do you give up on the power of love. Always remember what’s for you no one can take from you.
In the words of Nina Simone, “You have to learn to leave the table. When love’s no longer being served.”
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Bianca Lominy is a freelance public relations specialist and host of the Quarter Life Crisis podcast which is set to be released this September. She is a graduate of Temple University where she studied Strategic Communications with a concentration in Rhetoric and Public Advocacy. This PR enthusiast finds pleasure in introducing the world to emerging talent and bridging the gap between different worlds. Bianca also enjoys the art of storytelling and believes that love is a powerful weapon. She's a hopeless romantic at the core who tries to stay as grounded as possible while she navigates this crazy world.
You can follow her on Twitter or Instagram @thebees_knees92.
Honoring the collective voice of womanhood, the Lessons From Love series was created to provide a community of support for women currently in love, or healing from love. The series will use personal narratives + testimonies to empower women to make effective dating decisions and to pursue the love they rightly deserve.
If you're interested in being a last minute contributor, submit your 700-1000 word piece to z@dearqueens.com. Please include your name, website (if applicable), and brief bio.
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