It wasn't until my mid twenties that I formed a real heart’s desire to have a significant partner who would be my life partner, and husband. I was 26. And so I kept that near and dear in my heart and on my mind. Sharing it in prayer and having the belief that it will all come. And then I met him - the man I had literally dreamt about.
You were a dream manifested, except I wasn’t my own dream actualized yet and you had more dirt on you than a north jersey highway strip.
Everything was beautiful, we were in tune with each other, with ease. Even in the rocky storms, we rode out. Till one day we didn’t. You had other plans that didn’t involve me. So, like the Queen I am, i gave you the peace you chose, undisputed.
The lies we tell
The tears that swell
The thoughts that ache
The smile we fake
The joy we know
The growth we throw
The time we waste
The seed that bares
The tree that leaves
The dream that’s shared
It blows away into the day, across
the seas and lands on land my momma stands
She comforts me in my reality-I wish my womb never knew you.
I wrote this poem deep into the rollercoaster ride of what was my truth back then. I was beyond hurt. So what was a girl to do?! Did I want to spazz out on him, absolutely. What I did do was even better — be great and heal myself. This is what I call ascending into my own queendom. Nothing could take me out emotionally after that! I did self-care. Self-care saved my life. It saved my spirit, my light, my joy, and my capacity to love. I said affirmations, took beautiful baths, often, rose petals and warm scents and all. Changed my eating to majority alkaline, high frequency, living foods-the sweetest juiciest fruits, the greenest veggies, and lots and lots of water! I danced and sang with pure joy and passion. Girl, you woulda thought I was going on a tour soon lol. I enjoyed myself, I focused on myself, I went to God in deep prayer. My relationship with God went to new levels. You want a relationship? Get in an intense one with your Creator! With all of this I realized that I was loving myself in a new way. This version of me was stronger, wiser, grounded, focused on my purpose and free. And that is the woman I am today. The past is in the past.
One of my favorite things to do is to see my grandparents interact with each other. I'm thankful to be blessed to have grown up to see what a committed relationship looks like at different points in life. They are genuine friends, their playfulness melts my heart! I mean these folks are in their 80's now but they have young spirits. I learned from them that communication is key, forgiveness is key, personal time is key, a strong faith in God is key, laughing is key, and constant growth is key. Seeing the dynamics of their relationship through the highs and lows of life, helps me maintain a healthy perspective on love and relationships. They're not perfect, but they have a trust system and a rhythm established. Relationships are two people joining for a purpose and supporting the spiritual growth of the other, whether you know it or not. Some last briefly, some last for a period, and others are a lifetime journey. Receive the lessons and trust God that you'll be just fine.
The love I desire, I already have, it starts with God, with me, and everything else is a wonderful overflow of that love. I have a positive outlook on a life partner. But trust and believe:
I AM complete.
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Faith Lorde is a Connecticut native, an educator in elementary special education, and a student of African holistic healing and wellness. She has a passion and commitment to the purpose, pride, and progression of the black collective.
Honoring the collective voice of womanhood, the Lessons From Love series was created to provide a community of support for women currently in love, or healing from love. The series will use personal narratives + testimonies to empower women to make effective dating decisions and to pursue the love they rightly deserve.
If you're interested in being a last minute contributor, submit your 700-1000 word piece to z@dearqueens.com. Please include your name, website (if applicable), and brief bio.
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