"Do something that celebrates you," I was told as I made my morning green tea. I added a little agave nectar, lemon juice and a dash of cinnamon. It became my morning go-to as I weened off of Dunkin Donuts' hot chocolate. Tea along with the morning conversations in the kitchen became my routine.
"Do something that celebrates you." I wrestled with that idea all day. As great as it sounded, I battled with its appropriateness. I can't celebrate myself. I have to celebrate my readers. My supporters. My traffic driving viewers. After all, it was you that got me here. Your love. Your comments. Your views. I should be thanking you, not tooting my own horn.
DEAR QUEENS is for you. I've said that since it began. This is your outlet, not mine. This is your guide, not mine. This is for me to communicate with, help and develop you. This one year anniversary should be about you, not me.
I spent days thinking about what to write. Who to thank, what to share. How to incorporate my new blogger friends and the connections I've made into this valiant, extraordinary, one year brand-aversary post. Things that would highlight how you all helped me win two Black Weblog Awards, provide 18 homeless women with self-care kits, how you've either featured my writing or my website on yours, how you've acknowledged my passion for this and asked me to be a mentor to you or others around you, how you've shared my page and posts with those you're closest to and those furthest away. All of that - every last bit of that - made my longevity possible. It made my consistency possible. It made this small, yet important milestone for me possible.
"Do something to celebrate yourself." Because, I also made this possible. Because sometimes we deserve to be celebrated; sometimes we have to celebrate ourselves. Because sometimes, it's okay to toot our own horn. Because DEAR QUEENS wouldn't have been birthed if I hadn't had the courage to say "Yes" when God spoke to me that hot May afternoon in my secret place. My quiet place. My place of peace. Because had I never purchased the domain name and written my first post, someone would have missed that one thing they needed to read. That one thing I was able to provide.
"Do something to celebrate yourself." Because the bravery it took to do this - to maintain this - deserves to be acknowledged. Because the effort it took to eliminate self-doubt is worth being honored. Because DEAR QUEENS - and its creator - deserves to be celebrated.
So while this entire blog couldn't have made it without you, it couldn't have made it without me either. Today, this honor, this post, this celebration goes out to me. Myself. Z. Zoe. This goes out to my courage and obedience. My vulnerability and openness. My love and lessons. My late nights with wine and not-so-late nights with unpublished posts. To my drafts. To my e-mail newsletters. To my t-shirt line. To my own life being changed. This goes out to my desire to simply relish in the glory of God's work in me. To excite myself in the joy of what will come in this next year. To honor the work thus far and prepare for the work to come.
This post goes out to the events that will be planned this year. The connections that will be made. The friendships that will be built. It goes out to the much that will be required for the much that I'll receive. It goes out to the words that'll be typed this year, and the words that I'm typing now. It goes out to God's presence filling my living room every Sunday, Monday, Wednesday and whenever else I decide to write. It goes out to my safe space. To the fact that He communicated this new spiritual secret place to me, while being in my carnal secret place.
This post goes out to the lives I've changed and the ways I've managed to change my own. To my increased faith. To my improved satisfaction. It goes out to the many things I've learned while trying to teach others. To the trial and error. To the heartbreak and sad songs. To the gospel that filled my apartment. To the scriptures I couldn't have made it without. To falling asleep listening to T.D Jakes podcasts. To waking up to tears dried on my cheeks. To the pain and hurt and struggle. To all of it being the fuel for my happiness.
It goes out to you too - because I obviously couldn't leave you completely out. To your willingness to consume all of me being poured onto these pages and in these blog posts. To your openness for listening to me babble. To your shares and retweets. To your comments and feedback. To your friendliness and love. To your excitement for me. To your understanding for this celebratory post being dedicated to me.
And Stefanie, this post goes out to you for reminding me of the importance of celebrating myself.
While I may have ironed out how to write this post, I'm still trying to figure out what exactly to do for this one year. Perhaps DEAR QUEENS making it to one year is all the celebration I need.
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