Making it through year one wasn't hard, per se, but it was certainly a challenge. Between my own thoughts, my over consumption with numbers and my indecisiveness between host platforms, year one of DEAR QUEENS has certainly been a ride. I walked into it expecting that. I went into it telling myself to enjoy the ride, to embrace the journey. And that I did. These three things, though, have undeniably pushed me to new levels, forcing me to look at myself, my vision and my passions. They challenged me to grow deeper than I'd ever imagined.
God's guidance: when you ask God to lead, you better be ready to follow. I hopped in the car and he dropped the top before we even approached the highway on ramp. We took off. Together. He let me drive. He held the GPS. Together we coasted. We swirved around potholes and charged at speed bumps like they were nothing. Together. We did this together. His guidance guided me through some of the toughest decisions and some of the most amazing projects I never thought of doing. He led me to websites and to connect with other bloggers. Bloggers as passionate about empowerment and spiritual development, as myself. God was there. We did it. Together. and without not only His presence, but His guidance, I wouldn't have accomplished nearly any of the amazing things I was about to in this last, 362 days of DEAR QUEENS.
Prayer: because when my peace and pride were at war with each other, the only thing left was prayer. Talking to God - as upset, frustrated, broken hearted, uncertain, insecure and imperfect as I was in my life and in this purpose - provided the greatest calmness. Feeling Him listening assured me that I wasn't alone in this, no matter how often I felt I was. Prayer helped me put my emotions into words on the days the emotions became overbearing. Prayer helped me find my voice, before I knew I'd lost it. It helped me determine my niche before anyone else could assign one to me. It aligned me with people who'd push me, promote me, support me and pray for me harder than I could myself. And it got rid of those who meant no good; those whose half belief I didn't need. Prayer was the driving force of this entire brand, even before it was launched. Shoot, it was through prayer that February 3, 2015 became the date. Prayer got me through everything in my life that had the power to deter me from this dream; this vision; this assignment. Prayer kept me standing. Prayer keeps me standing.
Unhappiness: as weird as this may sound, my dissatisfaction reminded me of exactly what I need to be doing. Every time I walked into the doors of a job I despised, and dealt with projects and assignments that didn't make my heart jump, I came home and wrote. I came home and strategized. I came home and asked for more. More fulfillment. More guidance. More in this assignment. My unhappiness inevitably lead to the consistency of this blog (and brand). The constant reminders that that job - nor any job - was not why I was created. That my only true purpose on this here earth is DEAR QUEENS. My unhappiness reminded me of that every time I cuddled up on the couch crying into the fabric of my yellow fleece blanket, or the arms of the man with the white t and the great cologne. Unhappiness was the motivator every time I sat with my brother and strategized how to make this work. How to make this grow. How to make this lucrative. While I find joy in all things, my ultimate happiness stems from my ability to do this. To write. To inspire. To fill women up. My unhappiness taught me that. My unhappiness pushed me to the edge until I was tired enough to leap into faith. Having no following, and 2 supporters, my unhappiness pushed me to launch DEAR QUEENS. To step out and let God use me. To open myself up enough to be His scribe. No matter how vulnerable I'd be, or how inexperienced I'd seem. My unhappiness forced me to go for it. To be fulfilled. To seek fulfillment. And, to maintain that fulfillment.
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