I have a mustard seed and I'm not afraid to use it. - Pope Benedict XVI
Mustard seed faith was part of the many lessons I learned at the beginning of my faith walk. I heard sermons urging people building their faith, that the little faith they have now is enough. That little faith—mustard seed faith—is a stepping stone for miraculous works. That the little one has now is still enough for miracles to occur. I listened to various iterations of how faith as small as a mustard seed can yield tremendously large return.
I held onto that idea of mustard seed faith until mine began to grow. Season after season God showed His power. Season after season my faith grew. I outgrew the mustard seed—as promised, figuratively—and began diving into much deeper faith. I felt more in tune with how I approached, experienced, and interpreted God's presence and power in my life.
But, no one told me that the idea of mustard seed faith was for 'developed' saints, too.
I've never heard a sermon speaking to decreasing faith. To faith that was once as large as the giants you were fighting, but has since decreased to that of a mustard seed. Despite the withholding of that sometimes frightening reality, I found that that's where much of the power of mustard seed faith lies. When you're reduced to absolutely nothing and your faith is teetering on the edge; when you've come close to denouncing God and everything you thought you believed; when you disregard His instruction, His commands, and His promises—yet, you still recognize His power. That though you may not be pleased with Him, or any longer interested in the journey you sought after, that you still recognize the importance of prayer. That He still reigns supreme. That regardless of how you may feel internally and how you may choose to rebel (though not condoning such behavior), you still recall His goodness.
I sat at the edge of my bed upset at the position God put me in. But, despite my disappointment I still recognized God's presence. I still knew He was there with me. Despite my frustration with Him, I still found enough time to open my You Version Bible app and read the new plan I started the night prior. That's mustard seed faith, too. Not wanting to believe, but knowing deep down inside that you ought to. Knowing that despite your hesitation, your hurt, or your circumstance, God is the only one that can redeem you. And though, reluctant, still surrendering.
Mustard seed faith is screaming at God in the morning, yet reminding yourself to pray at night. Mustard seed faith is not wanting to trust God ever again, but still listening close to His commands so you remain obedient. Mustard seed faith is the gospel music filling the background while you text your friend about how you're denouncing your spirituality. It's losing hope but wondering how else you can redeem yourself in His sight. Mustard seed faith is thinking that He won't come through, but keeping one eye open just in case He does. Though seemingly blasphemous, mustard seed faith is feeling all things unChrist-like, but still being convicted to do right, to believe, and to love God in spite of those feelings.
Mustard seed faith is whatever remnants of hope you have left amidst the great disappointment you feel in your chest. It's like the last swig of Kool-Aid left in the container. It's like that little piece of hair left after sitting at the salon for 4 hours getting your hair braided. Mustard seed faith is that tiny bit that you think doesn't exist, but that you soon realize does; because no matter how mad, frustrated, exhausted, and irate you've become, you still go home and thank God, pray to God, and recognize that God is still in control.
So if that's where you are in your walk—wanting to give up and walk away from spirituality because you only have a tiny bit left, but knowing that God is still able—regroup. Because mustard seed faith is still enough to move mountains. And those mountains will move.
He replied, "Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." Matthew 17:20
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