God has an interesting way of dealing with me. He knows I'm hard-headed. He knows that sometimes He has to force my hand, because my obsession with structure and control can get me in trouble. Him and I have this "Shut up, Z" type of relationship, and when He's there I shut up...but when He leaves I start talking again.
Only...He never leaves (thankfully); so there's that.
Recently, He's been telling me to sit down. I know this because with this particular area of my life, things have been brewing, but none of it is of my own doing. Almost like when you're "looking" for a job, but you're not actively searching. All of a sudden you receive an e-mail requesting an interview for a job you never applied for, it's a great opportunity and you land it. Those are the types of things that happen when God is in control.
Anyway, God has charged me with the task of sitting still. And to my obsessive nature this is nothing but defeat. I keep my faith, though. Sometimes I wake up ecstatic thanks to a change in my morning thinking and other times I revert back to my dissatisfaction. Some days I'm content and some days I'm thoroughly tired - and tired of doing nothing.
"Can't I just help you, God?" Instead of enjoying the relaxation that he's allowing me, I'm up under Him, asking to get my hand in whatever it is He's working on. Part of it is my need to control things, and the other part is that I want to make sure everything goes right. Like He isn't God and He doesn't have all of this under control. Silly, I know.
Regardless, I've been learning how to just sit down and shut up. I've been learning how to just let things go as they must. I've been learning how to maintain a positive attitude to make this challenging season in my life more tolerable. I've been learning how to enjoy the totality of my blessings and not just the ones I like most.
But most importantly, I'm learning that my stillness should not affect my expectancy. Just because I'm required to sit silently doesn't mean I'll be waiting forever; it doesn't mean He's not coming, soon. Just because I can't get my hand in whatever He has planned for me, doesn't mean it's not in the works. I know I didn't pack my luggage for nothing. I know God is going to provide for me the very thing I've been praying about, because He hasn't broken a promise thus far. So I'm packing two suitcases and waiting by the door with expectancy.
During these still moments - the ones where I'm fidgety and nervous and anxious and ready - I'm learning to reflect in my right now. I'm learning to do my best to enhance my thinking, so when God enhances my life I'm ready. I'm learning to prepare myself for this next phase because in the pit of my stomach I know where He's taking me, and I'm going to make damned sure that when I get there I'm on top of things. I'm learning to cry out for Him more, because there's frankly nothing else I can do but remain steadfast in my prayer and faithful in his promises. And perhaps, that's all He wants from me.
So if this is your season of stillness and silence; your season of reflection and revelation; I encourage you to be consistent. I encourage you to prepare your luggage and sit in expectancy. I encourage you to declare where you're going and await His arrival to take you there - or to send you that one-way ticket to where ever it is. That place you've always dreamt.
I encourage you to delight in the behind the scenes work that is currently going on on your behalf. I encourage you to thirst for Him now more than ever before. I encourage you to praise louder and pray harder. Because there is more coming, and whatever He's preparing for you, whatever He's doing that you can't help Him with is going to blow your mind. It's going to be wilder than your imagination can comprehend. It's going to be something that only He could've crafted. An opportunity that only He could've provided.
As fast as you became over your current job, your current boyfriend or your current living situation; as fast as your health took a plunge, your loved one passed away, or your life came shattering before your eyes, is as fast as that blessing is going to pour into your life. Don't miss it. Sit in expectancy. Await His arrival at the front door. Let your friends know you're going somewhere. Enjoy this season of stillness and reflection, and prepare for what's to come.
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