You told yourself that you wouldn't do that anymore. That one thing that you shouldn't do. That thing that you "know better" than to do. You were so ashamed the last time, you promised not to do it again.You over-consumed yourself with the thought of doing it the first time, and made a promise to yourself. You swore to it. You made that strong "I'm never gonna do that again!" declaration.
But you did it. Again. And, here you are, beating yourself up. AGAIN. You're ashamed and disappointed.
You're stuck between asking for forgiveness and thinking you don't deserve it. You're in the middle of freeing yourself from it and hating yourself for it. You're here, beating yourself up. AGAIN.
Matthew 9:2(NKJV) "'....be of good cheer; your sins are forgiven.'"
I repeat that every time I find myself in one of those moments; during all the times I ridicule myself for what feels like failure; when I let both myself and God down.
In Matthew 9:2, Jesus is not just saying that you are forgiven, but that through His forgiveness rejoice, be encouraged. Many times, our sin holds us down. Our wrongdoings make us feel unworthy and uncommitted. No matter how heartfelt our apologies are, we still feel wrong. We feel disappointed. We feel like this time we don't deserve forgiveness because we barely forgive ourselves.
Christ does not forgive us because of who we are, He forgives because of who He is. He is forgiving, loving and compassionate. Nothing you do, no mistake you make and no sin you commit can change that. While there is always be a lesson waiting at the other end of your foul, you are always forgiven when you seek forgiveness.
Christ does not hate you for your mistake. He does not want you to suffer as a result of that mistake. He will not hold it over your head, nearly as much as you do. So when you apologize, apologize wholeheartedly and with conviction. Apologize knowing that you've already been forgiven. Stop walking away from an apology with the same shame you walked into it with. Feeling bad is good, it means you're holding yourself accountable for your wrongdoing, but stop allowing that to linger. Jesus says REJOICE, because He's forgiven us. No more shame lives here, because Jesus has forgiven us. We are ecstatic and restored because Jesus has forgiven us. Believe that and leave your shame behind.
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