The journey to self-discovery, identity, and worth is a tiresome one. It takes discipline, dedication, and work - lots of work. For a long time I wondered where that work began. What does that work look like? How long does that work take? How will I know when to begin that work?
I knew I had to learn myself, so that’s where I began. I highlighted my surface level issues—you know, heartbreak, insecurity, rejection—and figured that was enough for me to jump in. "Time to heal myself and grow," I’d say as if it was about to be a fantastic voyage.
I didn’t know the half.
I didn’t realize that surface level revelation would only produce surface level results. More fake smiles. More fake growth. I wasn't honest enough with myself to begin the work, yet. I was looking skin deep trying to change my spirit. I was trying to redefine myself by only looking at the definitions people assigned to me; by only looking at definitions that would be accepted, and were created, by society. I went no deeper than that.
I began the work blindly. Reading articles, following inspirational tweets, writing affirmations on my mirror. Those were good starts, but they weren't the work. I was putting a band-aid on a wound that needed stitches.
I recognized that much of my problem was my own willingness to get to the root and pull out what needed to be fixed. I only accounted for what I could actually see or feel, completely ignoring the culmination of things that led to that breaking point, these feelings, and these behaviors. These feelings came from more than just this one situation, they were deeply rooted. But when I began I was merely glancing at the surface, not what was beneath. I blamed the soil, not the seeds.
I realized that the work begins at the intersection of pain, insecurity, doubt, fear (the list goes on) and my willingness to identify its roots. Not by starting with the obvious things sitting on the surface, but digging into the things that lie deep beneath it. I realized that the work begins with shedding layers.
Truly shedding layers means getting to the root cause of your negative emotions and self-loathing. It is, very literally, snatching back every doubt, every worry, every insecurity, every hurt, until you reach the cause of it all. It’s peeling back your shell and revealing its foundation—what's cracked and unleveled underneath?
Shedding your layers is the beginning of the work. Pulling back every piece of pain, past, heartache, and flaw, and getting to your core. Unraveling yourself until there's nothing left but you and your bare spirit, staring at each other in a figurative mirror. You facing yourself without the mask of ego, excuses, or unapologetic-sass.
It begins with removing your titles—both self-inflicted and societally defined. It's emptying yourself of burdensome expectations. It’s revealing who you are underneath the standards of society, the pain of your past, and the worries and doubt of your future. It's just you and this core—without the hardened shell you use as protection.
Shedding your layers is not easy work, but it’s necessary work. That’s where you start—with shedding your layers. You start with bravery and honesty and intention. You start with reliving the moments you didn’t think you could survive, and removing the power you gave them to dictate who you’d become. You start with recognizing the root of your behaviors, thoughts or feelings, and discovering ways to overcome them. You start with identifying the ways you may have failed yourself and the way life may have failed you, and letting it go.
Peel back the layers beyond just brokenness; peel them back until you unveil fullness. Until you discover the woman made in God’s image. Shed the layers past insecurities, past heartbreak, past familial issues, past dead friendships. Shed them until you get to a feeling of wholeness. Of peace. Of completion.
Each layer you shed should make you feel lighter. Do this work until you feel lighter; do it until you feel like you’ve finally let go of everything you harbored. All resentment and anger and pain. All heartbreak and hatred. Peel back everything until you have fully undressed your spirit, leaving it bare and open for God to step in and re-dress you with love and positivity; take off societal demands and self-criticism, put on the promises of God. Shed your layers until you have literally addressed everything that ever put you in bondage, and break those chains with confrontation and prayer.
Peel back your layers and prune the leaves that haven't produced good fruit. That is where you must start. Get to that woman – get to your core – and build her up from there. But do not start doing so, until you have uncovered everything; until you have repaired the foundation and uprooted the negative seeds.
---
I (finally) began the work before I even realized that’s what I was doing. I sat in my bathroom pulling off layers that I didn't even realize existed. Praying to God, rebuking foul thoughts, and crying until I felt free. Pursuing forgiveness and letting things go. They came off like a domino effect, one recollection leading to another; one act of repentance followed by another. All of this I offered unto God as a sacrifice—finally giving up the woman I was, for the woman He created me to become.
I had to shed so I could bloom.
Now, it's your turn.
We all fall off; this journey is a constant winding road. The important part is how you work to center yourself back to God's will.
It's said that songs offer an incredible gateway to one's soul. What you constant fill your ears with, will manifest in your heart, then outwardly. So when I'm in the midst of spiritual struggles, these 12 songs are what I turn to. They've gotten me through many moments of self-destruction and spiritual defeat. They're some of my first go-to's and have certainly helped cleanse my spirit during rough times. Take a listen!
It's said that songs offer an incredible gateway to one's soul. What you constant fill your ears with, will manifest in your heart, then outwardly. So when I'm in the midst of spiritual struggles, these 12 songs are what I turn to. They've gotten me through many moments of self-destruction and spiritual defeat. They're some of my first go-to's and have certainly helped cleanse my spirit during rough times. Take a listen!
All song links lead to YouTube. I do not own the rights to the music or the YouTube videos they're linked to.
Without You—Tasha Cobbs
In this beautiful song, Tasha reminds us that without God we are nothing. She humbly begs the question, where would I be without you? This brings me back to God, even when I've strayed the furthest, because I'm reminded that without Him I truly am lost.
Still Amazed—Full Gospel Baptist Church ft. Jonathan McReynolds
I've cried to this song many times—especially when I feel the most alone. Despite our feelings, Jonathan reminds us that we still have plenty to be pleased about. God is still doing a mighty work, and despite our circumstance, we ought to still be amazed by it.
I've cried to this song many times—especially when I feel the most alone. Despite our feelings, Jonathan reminds us that we still have plenty to be pleased about. God is still doing a mighty work, and despite our circumstance, we ought to still be amazed by it.
Revealed—James Fortune & FIYA
I'll never forget the first time I grew weary of God's plan. I let this song play and sat on my floor and cried. James reminds us that in due time God's glory will be revealed. He makes a call for God's glory to dwell in the current place we're in and to fill us while we're waiting. The power of this song encourages me past my circumstance. No matter what, keep working toward God's purpose; soon enough it'll all make sense.
I'll never forget the first time I grew weary of God's plan. I let this song play and sat on my floor and cried. James reminds us that in due time God's glory will be revealed. He makes a call for God's glory to dwell in the current place we're in and to fill us while we're waiting. The power of this song encourages me past my circumstance. No matter what, keep working toward God's purpose; soon enough it'll all make sense.
Just Want You—Travis Greene (ft. Jordan Connell & Chandler Moore)
Travis is one of my favorite gospel artists. In 'Just Want You' Travis urges God to remove everything from his life to prove that God is enough. This song convicts me in a way very few songs do—reminding me that if I have nothing else, God is all I need. And if what I have isn't pleasing to God, then Lord, I don't want it.
Travis is one of my favorite gospel artists. In 'Just Want You' Travis urges God to remove everything from his life to prove that God is enough. This song convicts me in a way very few songs do—reminding me that if I have nothing else, God is all I need. And if what I have isn't pleasing to God, then Lord, I don't want it.
I Can Only Imagine—Tamela Mann
Tamela gives me an old school gospel feel with this hit. She ponders the moment she finally meets the Lord. She wonders what she'll do, what she'll feel, and how pleasantly God will receive her. This song forces me to do the same. I want the moment I come 'face to face' with God to be glorious, and to do so, my time here must be done right. I want God to be undeniably pleased with me. This song slaps me right in the face and reminds me to get myself together spiritually, so that could happen.
Tamela gives me an old school gospel feel with this hit. She ponders the moment she finally meets the Lord. She wonders what she'll do, what she'll feel, and how pleasantly God will receive her. This song forces me to do the same. I want the moment I come 'face to face' with God to be glorious, and to do so, my time here must be done right. I want God to be undeniably pleased with me. This song slaps me right in the face and reminds me to get myself together spiritually, so that could happen.
Never Be The Same—Shana Wilson
Shana Wilson is such an underrated artist. Never Be The Same is an ode to your first experience with God. Whether it was the first time you gave your life to Christ or the moment you experienced the Holy Ghost, Shana reminds us that, as the title suggests, we will never be the same.
For Your Glory—Tasha Cobbs
If you know me—and/or follow me on Instagram—you know Tasha is my bestie. I would insert a picture of us together here, but this really isn't about me. (I seriously met her two times, and the second time she remembered meeting me the first. Woohoo!) Anyway, this was one of the first Tasha songs I fell madly in love with. In this song, she reveals a heart that we all should have: one longing to please God. She sings that for His glory (not worldly possessions), she would do anything; to please Him, she would do anything. A powerful proclamation of surrender, obedience, and desiring God.
If you know me—and/or follow me on Instagram—you know Tasha is my bestie. I would insert a picture of us together here, but this really isn't about me. (I seriously met her two times, and the second time she remembered meeting me the first. Woohoo!) Anyway, this was one of the first Tasha songs I fell madly in love with. In this song, she reveals a heart that we all should have: one longing to please God. She sings that for His glory (not worldly possessions), she would do anything; to please Him, she would do anything. A powerful proclamation of surrender, obedience, and desiring God.
Closer/Wrap Me In Your Arms—William McDowell
William McDowell's archive is powerful. Much of his work needs no explanation; his art is definitely sit-there-silently-and-let-this-rest-in-your-spirit music. In this song, he calls unto God to bring him closer. He desires to be closer than he's ever been; he wants to grow more toward Christ, create a more intimate relationship with Him; He wants to experience more of Him. William asks God to wrap him in His arms, a maximum level of intimacy.
William McDowell's archive is powerful. Much of his work needs no explanation; his art is definitely sit-there-silently-and-let-this-rest-in-your-spirit music. In this song, he calls unto God to bring him closer. He desires to be closer than he's ever been; he wants to grow more toward Christ, create a more intimate relationship with Him; He wants to experience more of Him. William asks God to wrap him in His arms, a maximum level of intimacy.
You Are My Strength—William Murphy
A beautiful worship song, Murphy inspires us to recognize where our strength comes from. This song reminds me to call unto God's ultimate strength in my times of need; and reassures me that even when I'm too weak to call unto Him, He is still fighting for me.
A beautiful worship song, Murphy inspires us to recognize where our strength comes from. This song reminds me to call unto God's ultimate strength in my times of need; and reassures me that even when I'm too weak to call unto Him, He is still fighting for me.
The Light—Deon Kipping
In this piece, Deon reminds us that it is God who came in and changed our lives. He encourages us, in every moment of our lives, to look toward The Light that constantly saves us. Deon lets us know that the more we pursue The Light, the more the darkness fades. The beautiful melody, undeniable vocal strength, and lyricism make this an incredible song.
In this piece, Deon reminds us that it is God who came in and changed our lives. He encourages us, in every moment of our lives, to look toward The Light that constantly saves us. Deon lets us know that the more we pursue The Light, the more the darkness fades. The beautiful melody, undeniable vocal strength, and lyricism make this an incredible song.
Jacob's Song (with transition to I'm Desperate)—Briana Babineaux ft Sha Simpson
Bri makes a plea to be filled with God's everlasting strength and restorative power. She shares a testimony of the continuous pursuit of God, not letting go until He changes her from the inside out. On the album, the song is followed by I'm Desperate, which a continuance of the initial call to God, admitting her desperation for the change she's seeking. This song reminds me to be desperate for God. To pursue Him wholeheartedly with this same level of desperation and humility.
What are some of your faves? Share them below!
With the new year comes new goals. But those don't matter if, throughout the year, you aren't diligent in achieving them.
This podcast provides 4 ways to maintain your consistency throughout 2018, to ensure you actually achieve those goals!
My mother and father were very much the stay-out-of-grown-folks-business parents. They felt that children should maintain their innocence by being ignorant to the plights of adulthood. While my brother and I may have heard them argue, as kids, we were rarely exposed to the details of those arguments or the challenges they faced maritally or individually. I appreciated not having to bear the burden of their troubles, however much of their business—and their unwillingness to share it—related to their family stories as well.
The notion of secrecy and keeping your business your business, goes back generations in many black homes; especially mine. So it was both surprising yet incredibly welcoming when I spent 3 hours today listening to my father share childhood stories. My mother also began sharing her story with me a few months ago—brief, but necessary.
My father, who was born and raised in Rocky Mount, NC in the 40's, shared tales about the town's segregation, his childhood jobs, how he ended up in CT, and his first and second marriage. He shared stories he never told me about his parents, his teenage years, and his first heartbreak. He spoke about his most memorable fights, and the origination of his attitude (of which I have adopted).
I listened to him for hours share amazing stories about his life; I interrupted often with questions I'd been waiting years to ask. I listened—both in awe at his memory and intrigued by his story. Though I knew my father lived a lot of life, being that he's roughly 70 years old, I never considered how much he lived. How fully he's lived.
As my father rattled off tale-after-tale, I knew one thing for certain: I want to live my life. I want to have stories.
Many of us have admittedly become so caught up with making it to our destination in life, that we forgot that the journey of life itself is the prize, not the end result. We forgot that it's our journey that makes our story. That it's the culmination of life experiences that make us who we are—and intrigues other people enough to listen to us. Nobody cares about where you are, they care about how you got there. When people are intrigued by you, it's because of your story, not your title. And it is up to us to live a story [life] worth telling.
I listened to my father tell stories of his losses just as passionately as he told the stories of his wins. He was just as profound a narrator for the bad memories as he was for the ones that brought smiles to his face. In that moment I knew that I wanted to make better use of my journey. I no longer wanted to avoid what God was bringing me through, but I wanted to truly live through it. I wanted to embrace it and have a story to tell later. I no longer wanted to run from life, I wanted to live it.
I listened to my father share his life, and wished I had stories of my own to share. Some that were just as captivating. Some that would warrant me to stand in the kitchen until the sun went down, sharing them with him. So this year, as I dedicate it to wholeness & becoming, I find it necessary to also dedicate it to living. To not playing it safe (all the time). To letting life happen. To not having a plan for everything. To arguments and rekindling friendships. To random trips out of the country, and late nights in the city. To bad dates and drinking too much wine. To staying up late on a work night, and calling out of work to go to a concert. To brunches in DC, and pool parties in Las Vegas. To mixups and setbacks. To triumph. To victory. To living. To no longer rush through this process, or this journey, but to fully embrace it. To feel life. To see life. To live life.
I hope the same for you. Whatever this year brings you—good or bad—I hope that you live it to the fullest. I hope that you embrace every part of this year's journey and hold onto every lesson it offers. I hope you clench onto every moment and never try to repress a memory again. And when the time comes when your children (or godchildren) are old enough to hear them, I hope you have an arsenal of stories to share.
