Although unfortunate that it took me being pulled over to be reminded of that, it's a very refreshing feeling. Those women followed me until they had a chance to catch up with me, to let me know they seen the entire incident. What I would have considered women being nosey, staring at my ordeal, were women who wanted to help. Witnesses who wanted right to be done, in a world full of wrong accusations and even wronger - because that's the adjective I choose to use - interactions.  

At some point you'll want to walk in the pouring rain, hoping it washes the stench of failure from your skin. You'll cry to yourself asking how this could happen and why life is so cruel. So relentless. So awful. You'll fall short and not know how. You'll go through seasons of unhappiness and anxiety because life isn't working in your favor. You'll scrub your body to the core, hoping it'd scale away the pain you feel every waking minute. 

At some point you'll reach out to those that were closest to you and you'll hear silence in return. They won't be there. They won't respond. They'll be battling a fight of their own. Their hands will be too full carrying their own boulder-sized burdens, to offer to carry yours. You'll be alone. You'll feel stuck. You'll remain outside in the rain for a little while longer because you're certain the water splashing on your face will wake you up from the nightmare you're living. But it won't. 

At some point you will fail. You will fall short. You will mess up. 

You'll make the wrong decision and suffer consequences you'd never thought could exist. You'll ask for forgiveness and will be the recipient of cold shoulders and ugly stares. But, you'll press on. Because protecting yourself from falling deeper has become the most important part of your trial-ridden life. 

At some point your days will blend with one another because you don't have the strength to sleep, or stay awake. The hours passing won't matter, and neither will the days. You'll sit and stare at the wall wondering how your existence became this exhausting. You'll wonder who, what, where, when and how the hell you'll get yourself out of this place. This dark stormy place. 

Because life has a way of leaving you bloodied in the alleyway, screaming for help, clutching on to life. It has a way of snatching you up and spitting you out. Life has a way of bruising your spirit and your ego like an abusive relationship you can't seem to escape. You'll want to escape. You'll try to think of different ways to rid yourself from the pain, because you've noticed the rain isn't rinsing the look of depression off your face, like you hoped. It's not washing away the pain, like you thought it would. 

At some point, life will hit you hard enough to steal the breath from your chest. It will kick you while you're gasping for air. It'll burn. It'll cut. It will sting. And at some point you'll feel that. It won't be always and it may not be consistent, but it will come. It'll shake you up and send chills down your spine. 

And at some point I won't know what to say; no one will. There won't be anything inspirational enough to ease your pain. Profound words and back rubs just won't do the trick. You'll recite all the Bible scriptures you know and review Sunday sermon notes for clarity, but that won't hit your spirit quick enough for you. At some point you will fail. You will fall. You will be worn down and tore up. You will be sad. Disheveled. You will need help. Need prayers. Need guidance. Need God. 

Because kind words can't protect you from everything; and they certainly won't protect you from life. No motivation can keep you from falling flat on your face at the punches it decides to throw. It'll happen, and you won't be prepared. But you will endure, because that's all that you can do. Fight life back and hit it with the same left hook it first attacked you with. Chew it up and spit it out, like it did you in that alleyway. Yell back at it. Scratch it. Leave it merciless. 

Because kind words won't ever provide enough protection from the battle you will endure. But your fight will. 

That was when I thought I controlled the course of my life. 

After many failed plans and unconquerable defeats, I threw in the towel. My excitement to create elaborate plans ceased and I was left jotting down "two year to-dos", hoping I'd cross something off that list. I grew weary and discouraged because nothing seemed to work. No matter how thoughtful and realistic my ideas seemed, they just weren't happening. The results weren't being yielded accordingly. The response rates were low. And I had no more patience to plan out anything. 

I stopped setting yearly goals and allowed myself to wander. I didn't have a plan for next year and I didn't care to create one. I didn't know what I wanted to do, or who I wanted to be, and I definitely didn't care to come up with a plan to figure it out. I just decided to live life and stumble upon whatever was meant for me. 

Surprisingly, that worked! 

With less planning, I became more open to accepting the many free falling blessings that tap danced on my door step. Instead of turning down opportunities that didn't align with my plan, I became more willing to explore them. I stopped being concerned with my carefully thought out guide and started getting excited for the plan that seemed to be coming into fruition. The plan that was ironically unplanned. 

I was being led by God into new endeavors and down new paths. When I freed myself from the confines of an outline for my life, I allowed God in to do what He needed. I emptied out my cup of strategies & tactics just enough for God to fill me up with love and purpose. My eyes began to focus on the vision He was showing me, instead of the goals written on the paper in front of me.

Creating a 5-year plan sounds great in theory. It's a great way to organize ideas and an amazing attempt at ensuring the completion of goal-oriented tasks; but it also hinders God's ability to lead. It prohibits the flexibility necessary to be controlled by the Creator. 

See, God pours into me for me to pour out to you, and I've realized I have absolutely no control over what's being poured in and when it should be poured out. I have no control over what my purpose is and what it'll take to get there. No matter how hard I plan, I have no idea what will come tomorrow.

I have no idea what unexpected obstacles will occur - the ones my five year plan doesn't account for. I'm not sure, at all, what growth will need to happen before effectively implementing strategy three of goal four; growth, that is also, not accounted for in this plan. I'm not stagnant enough to stop learning and evolving for the next five years, so that my current ideas remain brilliant the next time I look at them. 

Five year plans don't take into consideration the changes you encounter - within yourself nor amongst the world.  

I do not know where I will be in five years. I don't even know what I'm going to be like in five years. I have no idea what unexpected expenses I'll have to dish out, how my network will change, or what resources will be available to me. I do know, however, that if I remain open to God's will I'll be exactly where I'm supposed to be. If I keep my mind focused on God's purpose I'll go to a place I would've never thought to include on the "five year plan" template before me. A place that no outline, umbrella chart or color coded graph could ever plan for. 

I was supposed to head to NYC last night for a show my friend was performing in. I planned out an outfit, did my hair and GPS'd the location. I rushed to complete some writing, met a few deadlines and prepared to hop in the shower.

Then, it started pouring. 

I put away my outfit, told my friend I wouldn't make it and sat on my couch to listen to the rain. I used this as God's way of telling me to sit down - because sometimes we need to. 

Queens work...hard! So hard that sometimes we forget to rest; we forget to nurture ourselves. We sacrifice sleep and mental clarity for branding strategies and success stories. We forfeit meals for meetings. We forgo happy hours for overtime hours. We overindulge in our professional pursuits and let our personal life, health and mental wellness, fall by the waste-side. 

We tire ourselves out trying to leave lasting imprints on those we cross paths with. We sleep less and work more, to ensure success and professional fulfillment. We endure work and life, while trying to maintain an effective work-life balance - that of which is a challenge itself.

But, it's okay to be tired and it's okay to sit down. 

It's okay to step back from the crowd to breathe. It's okay to steal a moment for yourself - to use one minute of all those you give away, to cater to you. It's okay to spend all Sunday in bed watching Judge Mathis re-runs. It's okay to cancel a dinner engagement to cook yourself a homemade meal and enjoy it alone. It's okay to ignore a few work e-mails and text messages to bask in the beauty of your solitude. 

We have a desire to be everything to everybody and get everything done. We have deadlines to meet, friends to grab drinks with and second jobs to head to. We have personal dreams we're fueling and support to give others fueling their own. We have groceries to buy, events to attend and networks to grow. And the last thing we want to allocate time to is a break. 

Sit down. 

You don't have to be everywhere, all the time. You don't have to respond to every e-mail all at once. You don't have to be all things to all people. Sometimes you can just be you, with yourself, in your own space. You can detach from the world and sit in the confines of wherever you choose and enjoy you. You can take take a break to take care of yourself, the way you've been taking caring of others. You can hog your seconds, minutes and days to dedicate to your own empowerment. 

You can disengage. You can be still. And, you can sit down and listen to the sound of the rain. 

You've earned it.